Feeling Like You Don't Measure UP?

Not feeling like you measuring up can be brutal on your confidence. The magic always shows up when I photograph. There is a perfect 10 on the measuring tape located on my chin. Kim Brundage Photography

As women, we are often bombarded with messages about what we should be: thin, beautiful, successful, and happy. These messages come from everywhere – the media, our families, our friends, and even ourselves. And when we don't measure up to these impossible standards, it can leave us feeling like we're not good enough.

Feeling like you don't measure up is a common experience. Whether in our personal relationships, careers, or appearance, we often feel like we're falling short. But why do we feel this way? And what can we do about it?

My girlfriend shared that her 22-year-old daughter wants to start using anti-wrinkling cream because she is starting to see wrinkles on her face. It starts at a really young age - this young woman is supposed to be in the prime of her life. We easily become convinced that we don’t measure up.

It can be overwhelming for me to walk into an Ulta and not buy all the promises they offer my aging skin. It’s crazy-making at its finest. Kim Brundage Photography

We may feel like we don't measure up because we compare ourselves to others. Social media makes it easy to see the highlight reel of other people's lives and feel like we're not measuring up. But the truth is, we only see a small part of their lives – the part they want us to see. We don't see their struggles, their failures, or their insecurities. And we certainly don't see their effort to achieve their successes. When we compare ourselves to others, we compare our reality to their carefully curated image.

Unfortnately, I still catch myself comparing myself to others. It’s a process of resetting yourself constantly and building a new muscle. I also realized once I was kinder to myself, I was no longer critical of other women. Instead, I see their fashion and their beauty right away.

Another reason we may feel like we don't measure up is because we're setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves. We want to be perfect in every way – the perfect partner, employee, and friend. But perfection is impossible. We're human beings, and we're going to make mistakes. We need to give ourselves permission to be imperfect and accept that it's okay to make mistakes.

It's also important to recognize that our worth as women isn't tied to our appearance or our accomplishments. We are valuable simply because we exist. We don't need to look a certain way or achieve certain things to be worthy of love and respect.

So, what can we do when we're feeling like we don't measure up? Here are a few tips:

I purposely spread my lipstick past my mouth so I looked even more disheveled. Kim Brundage Photography

1. Practice self-compassion.

Treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend. Be kind, understanding, and forgiving of yourself.

2. Focus on your strengths.

Instead of dwelling on your weaknesses, focus on your strengths and what makes you unique.

3. Set realistic goals.

Instead of setting impossible standards for yourself, set challenging but achievable goals.

4. Limit social media use.

If social media makes you feel bad about yourself, take a break or limit your use.

5. Surround yourself with positive people.

Spend time with people who lift you up and support you rather than those who bring you down.

6. Practice gratitude.

Take time each day to reflect on what you're grateful for in your life. And especially what you're grateful for about your body. Your body works hard for you!

7. Seek professional help if needed.

If you're struggling with feelings of inadequacy, it may be helpful to seek the help of a therapist or counselor.

Feeling like you don't measure up can be a difficult and painful experience. But it's important to remember that you are not alone, and there are things you can do to feel better. Lean towards these goals.

Remember, you are worthy, just as you are. You are worthy to have a beautiful portrait of yourself. You are worthy to know your beauty. Let me show you your beauty!

I offer a free consultation so you and I can get to know each other and you can learn exactly which of my services is best for you. Click here to get on my calendar.